Sh*t My Mom Says

Some mothers, like myself, come up with sweet little sayings that are sort of like inside jokes for mom and child. For instance, I was tired of telling my son that "practice makes perfect!" so I started saying "practice makes popcorn!" which made us giggle and still got my point across to my ever reluctant son.

As for my mother's many, many sayings and expressions, I though I'd make a list of some of her gems. Keep in mind she is of a different generation and was raised in the forest by wolves (actually in the woods and my grandfather was a fur trapper). In her defense, my mother is actually the sweetest person I know. She had 5 kids to raise and she welcomed all of our friends and neighborhood kids into our home. She would pack a lunch for all of us plus my best friend who would show up at our door every morning to take the bus with us. I could write a book on just how amazing my mother truly is. But today, I'm going to write about all the sayings that kept me guessing over the years. My mother is a respected member of her community....somehow. Anyway, here we go!

Sh*t My Mom Says:

Let's get warmed up with some of the PG ones:

"Some people's children." She would say this when we were being weird or misbehaving as though she was judging another person's kids. I like this one and use it on my son now.

"Rise and Shine! Daylight in the Swamp!" This is how she would wake us up for school when we were teens. I kind of loved it.

My mother would sing this to me sometimes: "You may think it's goofy, but my daughter is a Newfie!" I also kind of loved this because my father is from The Rock.

"That's the pot calling the kettle black." It's a classic, but now we have stainless steel kettles and our pots can come in a variety of colors. This expression came about when people used cast iron in the kitchen - and it's not a racist expression at all. It's a way of calling somebody a hypocrite.

"Like it or lump it" I actually found this one on the internet: Meaning: "Said of an unpleasant outcome that one has no choice but to accept - one can either endure it willingly or endure it with suffering. - Lump - To look sulky or disagreeable (16th century) http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/like-it-or-lump-it.html

Are you warmed up? Because here come the doozies:

"I'm broke flatter than piss on a plate." I think this one is self explanatory.

"That thing (jar, door, whatever) is closed up tighter than a Nun's c*nt." (yup, she really says it - without a care in the world - kind of like Betty White) Both insulting to women and religion in one blow. I'd give this one a 9 on the offensive scale.

If I am bent over to pick something up, she will say this before smacking very hard on the bottom: "Never pass a tight ass..." What does that even mean? Without smacking it I guess.

She would also call me a "Wandering Jew" when I walked around the house in boredom as a child. I did not know how to feel about this one. I found out recently that there is actually a biblical character that this reference pertains to, whether my mother knows this or not, I will have to ask her. "The original legend concerns a Jew, who taunted Jesus on the way to the Crucifixion and was then cursed to walk the earth until the Second Coming." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wandering_Jew

And the ultimate pot calling the kettle black is when she would tell us kids, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Really Mom? Really?

We can get into her creative use of foul language: 

Let's say she burns herself on a pot: "You dirty slut"

Playing cards, well, let me tell you she does not like to lose. Things she says while playing cards:

Oh, kiss me arse.

My parents together have a ton of inside jokes as well. They often quote television commercials that made them laugh or just a part of a joke that they both thought was hilarious. Like, "garbage, garbage, garbage, it's gonna kill him.' They have a great relationship and still flirt with each other after forty years of marriage. So I think the secret to a good marriage must be that you both have to have a sense of humor be a little bit crazy.

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JUST AS I AM

 

 

Now that I'm 36, I've decided to go in a radically new direction with my life. Forward. Dead ahead, if you'll excuse the pun, as I stumble ever closer to the latter half of my days on this earth.

 

My new adventure begins with creating an anti-resolution list:

 

• This year I vow never to diet again. To not waste another penny or thought or breath, saying 'It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change." It's always a diet if you're main goal is to lose weight, and I'm a fool for every thinking otherwise.
• I will never sign up for another life source draining exercise class as long as I live. Which means I will never have to listen to another middle aged woman yell out "eight more!" after I thought the last eight more was only going to be eight more, as I silently wish for spontaneously combust so the class will be over.
• I will never buy clothes that are just a little snug in the hopes to fit into them soon.
• I will stop responding with violence when my fiancé lets his eyes rest on my midsection for just a fraction too long.
• I will eat whatever I crave while PMS-ing. However, I will not eat that food to the point of guilt, shame, or to the state of being in a chocolate coma.

 

What I will do this year:

•  I will get paid what I'm worth.
• I will go for walks when I feel like it, take the stairs at work just to be sure I still have a pulse at 3:00 PM, and walk the treadmill at the gym when it's cold outside - because I want to catch up on my audio book and get away from the kids.
• I will control my habits by understanding them.
• I will always find something to be grateful for, even when it's difficult to do.
• I will continue to love and accept those around me and cherish those close to my heart.
• I will love myself every single day, JUST AS I AM.

 

2013 has kind of sucked so far...and it's been kind of great too. I've made friends, lost friends, caught up with old friends and deepened friendships at work. I've postponed my wedding due to my future father-in-law being diagnosed with and beginning cancer treatment, watched my ex-father-in-law fade away and leave this earth, had to tell my son his grandfather was gone, and chose not celebrate my birthday for the first time in 36 years. On the flipside, my son was accepted into a program that will save us thousands of dollars in private school expenses, my fiancé has offered to take me to NYC for a belated birthday gift, and I did get to plan half of my wedding, which was fun. I now know what direction I want to take my career, and I also got some highlights in my hair which look fantastic. So, you know, it's been a good bad year.

 

While all these things are happening in and around my life, things are happening in the world too.  North Korea is playing with nuclear weapons, and monsters are bombing the Boston Marathon. Closer to home, two men were arrested for plotting to bomb a passenger train.
 
When I stop to look around, I feel like things are spiraling out of control around me on all levels, but I'm grateful. There was a quote I often recall which was on the wall of my grade ten English class that read, "If we never cried, would laughing feel so good?" So, along with the bad, I am grateful for every minute I have and every person I love. I refuse to waste another second feeling bad about myself, my hair, wrinkles, butt, thighs, or whatever - I am only grateful for all of those things now. The wrinkles on my face tell me I'm lucky to have lived this long and the fat on my ass tells me that I can afford to indulge. I'm a spin doctor from this day forward, because my attitude is the only thing that is truly within my control.

 

So this year I choose love....and maybe drink a little more wine than I did in 2012. Screw the calories.

 

Good luck out there,

 

JB

 

 

 

 

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Greenbelt Harvest Picnic 2012

Greenbelt Harvest Picnic 2012

Christie Conservation Area

September 1, 2012

Victor finally got to see Daniel Lanois perform for the first time since University, and I got to sing along with Sarah Harmer as I waited for somebody to announce that it would not be cool to eat the brown acid.

The lineup was as follows:

Missy Bauman, Dinner Belles, Lee Reed, Brady L. Blade Sr. and the Hallelujah Train, Jesse Cook, Sarah Harmer, Gord Downie and the Sadies, Mix Master Mike, Daniel Lanois, Emmylou Harris, Feist

We arrived at around one in the afternoon, due to the fact that I forgot our tickets when we first ventured out of the house that beautiful summer morning. Luckily, Christie Lake is only about an hour from where we live so we were still early enough to secure some decent real estate on the grass with a great view of the stage. Once we were settled with our picnic blanket, chairs, and cooler full of healthy-ish snacks, we went exploring (looking for beer).

We warmly referred to the many vendors we encountered as 'the hippies' selling home grown everything - from sunflower accessories to flavoured hemp seed snacks. The atmosphere at the park that day was peace, love, and save the environment - specifically the Niagara Escarpment.

We met a young lady selling natural remedies and teas which she told me she foraged herself. I had to make her repeat herself, as I had never heard anybody say they had foraged anything, before. I was starting to feel like I was in the movie "Wonderlust". I was particularly surprised and impressed when a very pretty lady raised her arm, while telling us how tall the trees she was selling (native to the area and now endangered) would grow, because I caught a sight that I thought only existed in France - she had unshaven armpits! I'm not talking stubble either, I'm talking as hairy as Victors underarms hairy. I found myself in awe of that woman- she's the real deal.

The entire day had me wondering what a 'hippie' lifestyle must be like, it was exhausting to even imagine how hard it would be to make my own clothes and food and forage for....stuff. I could stop shaving my armpits, maybe, but I think that's not enough to say I live a carbon footprint-free lifestyle. Buying one of those pretty flower halo hairpieces that some of the girls were going around with wasn't going to make me feel any better about it either, so I signed a petition to help save the escarpment from a landfill (I think), shoved a few hemp seeds in my gob and moved on to the food trucks. Gorilla Cheese, by the way, has the most gewy and delicious grilled cheese sandwiches in the history of grilled cheese sandwiches.

We sat down in time to see Brady L. Blade Sr., a preacher from the deep south of the US take the stage. Incidentally, he is also the father of Danel Lanois' drummer, that fact provided by Victor in a side note between sips of Steam Whistle beer, the festival sponsor this year. Rev. Blade and his band, along with Daniel Lanois, played some knee slapping soul that almost had me reaching my hands up to heavens like those people you see on TV.

 Jesse Cooke was up next, looking overdressed for the picnic, laying down some seriously sexy Latin guitar tunes. It was so different from what we had just heard and a perfect interlude before Sarah Harmer came on. But wait! To my surprise and delight, Whitehorse came on stage after Jesse Cook, to introduce Sarah. Whitehorse is a husband and wife duo featuring one of my favourite CBC Radio2 artists, Luke Doucet. I waited the rest of the night hoping they would sing us a song, but they didn't take the stage again. Sarah did not disappoint, however, and Victor, who had not heard of her before, was impressed and enjoyed her set almost as much as I did.

After Sarah, the funky, funky, Gord Downey took the stage spouting incoherent poetry and kicking music's ass with his new band, The Saddies. Gordo looked pretty sexy too in his grey suit, tie, and fedora. The man is a legend.

Mix Master Mike, half of the infamous Beastie Boys, got everyone out their seats during his set. I mean the crowd really went crazy, putting their hands up in the air, putting their HANDS UP IN THE AIR, as instructed by the Mix Master on stage. Again, a perfect interlude before we all chilled out to a great set from the man himself, Mr. Daniel Lanois, perfectly timed as the sun went down and Miss Emmylou Harris joined him on stage.
 

The temperature dropped as we donned our sweaters,wrapped ourselves in blankets, and waited while the stage was completely reset for Feist. Then we waited some more as the air got colder, apparently it was going to be quite the production. Victor wanted to leave, but I wanted to see Feist. I have a bunch of her songs on my play list and I couldn't wait to see her live. She was quirky and cool as expected, and it was cute to see a tiny thing like her, in a little white dress, rocking out on an electric guitar.

Overall, it was a laid back and enjoyable experience. We will very likely be returning next year, and I can see it becoming a tradition for us. Thank you Daniel Lanois for being one very cool Canadian bringing a lot of extraordinary artists and people together for a great cause. You are the man.

Good luck out there,

JB 

 

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The Decorator Chop!

Pillows look great when they are all fluffed up and look even better once you give them a Decorator Chop! Now arranging your pillows can also double as a therapy session! So go let off some steam and make your home beautiful in the process!


Start with a fluffy pillow. If it's too firm this won't work.

Next, prepare your chopping arm!

Remember to make a loud "Hi-Ya!" sound as you chop.

And there you have your Decorator Chopped Pillow. It lets people who come into your home know that you decorate down to the smallest detail, and also not to mess with you.

I was feeling a little stressed about my dinner party tonight, so.....

Good luck out there,

Just Being

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Happiness Boosters

Last night I ran down the street with my dog. She had her end of the leash in her mouth, her tail a-waggin. As we ran from our house to the corner, I had a big rediculous smile on my face as I giggled and ran to keep up with her. I used to do that with my childhood dog, and for a few minutes last night I was a kid again. I didn't care what the neighbours thought, I was having a rough day and I just wanted to laugh - at myself - and so I did.

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Blended Families - Add Kids and Stir

The TRUTH About Blended Families

Here's my situation: I have a son and two step-daughters. My boyfriend and I recently got engaged after seven years together and five very hard years of living together as a blended family. Oh, were you expecting me to say blissful years, like I'm living in some sort of freaking fairy tale? Well, even fairy tale blended families have their share of poisonous apples being flung around, and ours was no different. I'm here to tell you there is hope and how to cope.

Ah, L'amour

So you fell in love with this great guy who happened to have a couple of kids. Isn't that nice? Now you get to have more kids without getting fat again, good for you! After a few months together things start to get serious and you introduce each other to the kids, a little awkward at first, but everyone survives. You start planning picnics together, trips to the zoo, amusement parks, and even weekends away. This is fantastic, you both agree. Your relationship is clicking along nicely now and one day you ask the question: Wouldn't it make more sense if we all just lived together? Then we could be together more often! How terribly exciting that idea is to you! You start having sleepovers with kids at your place to see how it goes and to get everyone used to the new plan, and doesn't it go just swimmingly! Now you're off to the races looking for a house to share with your new, amazingly wonderful family. Congratulations to you! You are about to embark on quite a little adventure that will have you begging for death (of others, and your own), stuffing yours ears full of cotton to block out those loud kids of his, and stuffing your face with chocolate to drown your sorrow because when his kids are there, you are sent to another worldly plane where anybody that isn't blood related doesn't exist. It's going to be great! Right!? NOT.

You're Screwed

Sorry for the tough love, but somebody's got to do it. I looked up blended families on Google to find some photos for this blog and I was horrified to see picture after picture of blended families looking happy and relaxed like they didn't just spend the weekend slamming doors, yelling at each other, and looking for excuses to get out of the house. WTF? Come on people! There is no way that I'm the only one who's had it rough. There is a reason why relationship therapists have a whole new schooling specifically greared toward blended families. IT'S TOUGH. Really tough. You don't know yourself or your partner until you've been subjected to the kind of stress and roller coaster of emotions that living together as a blended family brings.

Spawns of Satan? Nope, Spawns of You!

And then there are the kids. As soon as you move in together you realize that you've both created a lot of traditions with your own kids that your partner won't understand. You have completely opposite ways of parenting, and you think the other parent is doing it ALL WRONG, and that is putting it lightly. So you fight and fight and fight and fight some more over, well, everything. All arguments start with a comment about one of the kids, the parent of said child is offended, insulted, and utterly dismayed that you would accuse their child of not cleaning up after themselves, not washing their hands after going to the bathroom, talking too loudly, playing too many video games, watching too much television, yelling, chewing loudly, holding their fork improperly, not feeding the dog, feeding the dog too much, eating too much, not eating enough, and/or breathing too loudly. Looking back and listing it sure puts things into perspective. We are talking piercing a parents heart with such remarks, and what happens when somebody strikes us - we strike back harder. Every fight starts with something small and soon you are listing each others shortcomings as parents and human beings and quickly move on to listing the critical faults of each others children while simultaneously accusing each other of being complete hypocrites. Good times I tell ya, good old times. And here's the WORST PART - The kids usually hear every word, because you are so caught up in blaming each other for screwing up your kids, that you are creating a whole new set of problems - you should be ashamed of yourself, and you will be.

So how, out of this disaster of a situation, did we survive five years and decide that we were so stinking happy that we should embark on a another new adventure together by getting married? Mind boggling, I know. Let me share with you how we finally learned to cope with the stress of living together as a blended family.

Give Me Shelter ( And Lots of Space)

First of all, living with anyone is not easy, especially once you've reached a certain age and are pretty set in your ways. You need a healthy foundation for respecting your newly shared space and instruct your children to do the same. A good habit to do and teach is to always look back at a room before leaving it to see if you've left something behind that should be put away or cleaned up. Good in theory, of course.
My Advice: I hired a cleaner. I'm no longer alone in my battle to keep the house clean, it has taken a lot of the stress off, I cannot stress enough how much stress this has saved me!

Men Are From the Planet of Selective Hearing

As a woman there are a lot of things that drive us crazy about the way men seem to want to live. Classic issues will arise about splitting chores and general tidiness. I can't stand having dirty dishes in the sink when there is a dish washer within inches of it. It's screams laziness and drives me batty. I was able to train the children to put their dishes in the dish washer, but my hubby is untrainable in this department. It's just one of those things that you have to throw your hands up and get over. The hardest part is that he completely disregards my reasoning that it sets a good example for the kids. It's an ongoing battle that I lost years ago.

My Advice: I put his dishes in the dishwasher myself because a tidy sink is clearly important to me and not to him. It saves me the anguish of nagging him about it and honestly takes me less than five minutes to do. I hate him less when I'm not looking at his dirty dishes in the sink. Sometimes you have to admit that the things that drive you crazy are your own issue and you have to deal with it yourself to stay sane.

Pick Your Battles, Win Your Wars

Instead of fighting over every little thing, sit down and talk about it. Sounds easy enough right? Good luck finding the time when you are both so exhausted or sick of each other that any free time is spent avoiding the other person. However, once you do sit down and go over your lists of things that drive you to drink, you'll both realize they are all small and inconsequential and, yes, even petty. You'll be embarrassed to say half of them out loud. This is where you choose the ones that are most important to you, discuss, resolve, and make house rules (and stick to them). Become a united front once the rules are drafted and delivered to the kids. This whole process will bring you closer together as a couple and as parents.

My Advice: When the kids are gone, we make a nice dinner together and use that relaxed time to get the issues out of the way before moving onto 'desert', wink wink, nudge nudge.

Time is on Our Side

You will not survive as a couple unless you do the following: coordinate your weekends with and without the kids. You need time to reconnect, relax, and remember the person you fell in love with - sans kids. Don't feel guilty about it, this is the person you chose to be with, sometimes you just need to be reminded as to why. Each weekend that you go out for dinner, see a movie, go for walks, and cuddle on the couch will allow you both forgiveness for all the crap you put each other through the previous week while under the stress of getting the kids to and from school and sports, and getting everyone fed, homeworked, and to bed. It will also give you the strength to face the week ahead, together.

My Advice: Do things for each other. The first one up makes the coffee and breakfast. Don't stress the To Do List on your weekends alone. Focus on each other, the repairs can wait. My friends know that I don't like to make plans with them when it's my weekend without the kids, it's an unspoken rule with the hubby as well - that it is our sacred time to reconnect. Our relationship comes first. Also, we take naps together on the couch Saturday afternoons, it's heavenly.

The Ex Factor

Just don't go there. You will need to communicate with your ex almost daily as will your partner - because you have kids with that person. Wrap jealousy in a burlap sack, tie it to a brick, and throw it in the river - it is the last thing you need right now! They are your exes for a reason, remember that.

My Advice: No matter how crazy or unreliable either exes are, do not make statements about them in front of their kids. Haven't you done enough damage by constantly fighting with each other? Don't drag the exes into your household scraps as well.

The Little Angels

Don't forget that even though they may drive you bat shit crazy some days, they are still just kids. They have been through a traumatic experience with their parents divorce. They are hurt, confused, frustrated, and need attention. Give it to them. This is usually ends up being the woman's department - love all of the little buggers as much as you can. Hug them if they'll let you, spend time connecting with them and letting them know that you have their back. Talk to them. Don't be afraid to admit that you are wrong to fight as parents and that you are working on making things better. Keep in mind what they have gone through and what they are currently going through. Consider how your relationship will effect their relationships when they get older. Set a good example, feel guilty when you fight, and let them know you care.

My Advice: Apologize. If you say something out of anger or lack of a filter in front of the kids, apologize to your partner and to the kids for your behaviour, at least it's something. You're not a monster, you just act like one sometimes.

PMS

Need I say more? You have to take this into consideration. Even couples without kids have to deal with this monthly curse on us women. Add the stress of your current situation and it can get really ugly. I give my hubby fair warning not to poke the bear when I feel it coming on and he has learned, well, not to poke the bear. It's like an unspoken truce - we avoid each other and will not discuss the kids during this time. I go to bed early and spend time catching up on my shows online. Even the kids can sense the eerie calm in the house during this sacred week. It's kind of funny now that I think of it. But it's serious stuff! I've flown off the handle over laundry being left in the dryer on my best day, can you imagine what I'm capable of during the week before my period?

My Advice: Pamper yourself, enjoy time alone, recuperate, and give fair warning. Don't forget to apoligize and explain to the kids if you are less than tolerant with them at this time as well. It's part of life.

THERAPY THERAPY THERAPY

I will give you one reason why every couple should go to therapy: So you can witness your husband taking advice, that you've given to him multiple times over the years until you're blue in the face, from another woman, and actually listen to it. Frustrating? Yes, but effective. For some reason, unless you have a PhD, they just aren't going to listen to our reasoning.

My Advice: Bring a list to therapy every week and keep track of your (his) progress. He won't want to be embarrassed that he's not pulling his weight when the progress report is given each week. Use therapy to your full advantage. Oh, and shut up for a minute and listen to what he has to say, you'll discover a lot about the man you thought you knew so well. You may even learn that he refuses to put his dishes in the dishwasher right away because his ex wife used to nag him about it, he did it for her, but now he is exercising his rights as a new man to not be nagged. Men hate nagging - duh! Let him have that victory over his former oppression, he's a good man after all and deserves that win.

Healthy Body = Healthy Brain = Happy Being

Do you know that people who exercise regularly handle stress better than others. Why? Because they have more self control. They also have more sticking power, energy, and those happy endorphins that are all the rage these days.

My Advice: Eat better, exercise, meditate, stretch, join a yoga class, whatever it takes, do it for you and do it regularly.

GRATEFUL IS AS GRATEFUL DOES
Remember that you love your partner and you love all the kids under your roof. You are blessed to have them in your life and they make life worth living (most days).
My Advice: Spend time together like back in the good old days when you were dating, go places as a family. It's true that the family that plays together stays together.

If you take all of these things into consideration, it still won't be easy, but it will be easier. Relax and take it in stride. I promise that if you can keep your cool, pick your battles, stay healthy in body and mind, and be grateful for your pretty cool family, everything will be OK.

Now that we are through the tough times, the kids are getting older, and we have our routines and egos all sorted out, things are great! My hubby and I talk on the phone a few times a day just to say hi. We keep each other in the loop about what's going on with the kids and we spend time together as a family and alone regularly. We even started taking bigger vacations and, as a rule, we go one year with the kids and the next without. It's about balance at the end of the day. Spending time alone with your own children so they know they are still your number one, spending time all together as a family, and spending time alone as a couple. Get a calendar handy and use it up! 

Good luck out there,

JB

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A Letter to Timbits

Hello Sour Cream Timbits. It’s been a while hasn’t it? I stopped going to Tim Horton’s in the morning just to avoid you. Yes, I was that mad at you. You are so deceivingly tiny and sweet that I never thought you would betray me the way you did, leaving me with a bulging belly and no support. We did have some good times together though, on road trips to the beach and family holidays…but it wasn’t meant to be. I had to sacrifice my morning steeped tea just to keep away from your tempting little sugar peaks. I love the way they bunch up all around you and crunch in my mouth. But that was long ago…why am I thinking about you now? It’s like Michael Corleone said, “Once you’re out, they pull you back in.” I popped into Tim Horton's on our way to the beach last weekend and I met someone new, Lemon Timbit. I never thought I’d say it, but I can’t get enough of her. I’ve been with her four times this week already! I’m ashamed and embarrassed. She is just so refreshing and sweet. I can feel myself falling for her the way I fell for you, throwing all my discipline and willpower out the drive-through window! It’s terrible! I have to ban Tim Horton's from my life again until this summer lemon craze fades away into whatever evil master of seduction they will introduce in the fall.

Good-bye Timbits, I know we’ll meet again (unfortunately).

(Timbits are about 70 calories each! Multiply that by how many you eat and it adds up fast! - Little Bastards)

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Mediums Are Large

To put it lightly, we've lost some people.

On the day of my best friend, Cara's, wedding her mother did something that brought this, normally, non-crier to tears. She told me to keep the money I was going to give her for my bridesmaid dress (she paid in advance for me) and use it to see a medium she was recommending. She had lost her son and father the previous year (Cara's brother and Grandfather) and had turned to a medium with the hope of some sort of relief - a way of knowing they were OK. She was amazed by the experience and wanted me to have the opportunity to know that my own two brothers, who died in car accidents four months apart when we were teens, were OK too. Incidentally, her son and the older of my two brothers were best friends back in the day.

In the fifteen years since my brothers died, I had become the 'Queen of Suppression', as Cara once called me. In reality, I just didn't take things very hard in life, the way most people do. If I was knocked down, I got back up. After I lost my brothers, most other disappointments in life were really not that bad in comparison.

So I found myself that Fall sitting across from a man named Chris on a little couch, in a little house, in a little town off the highway between Barrie and Toronto. My boyfriend waited outside in the car for me as I was too nervous to go alone, and he was curious himself to see how it would go. Inside, I sat on the faded plaid couch across from my so-called connection to the other worldly plane of existence. I didn't doubt that we don't just disappear when we die, there have been many instances over the years where felt like my brothers were watching over me and protecting me. I was hopeful that I could contact them, but doubtful that anyone who charged $150 an hour would be my vessel. Chris clicked on the recorder, closed his eyes, and started to make some funny faces. He wiggled his nose and drew his chin up toward the ceiling before he began to blow my mind.

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My Hapiness Project

I used to be a naturally happy person, yes, one of those people. But life, shared living quarters, a mixed family, an unfulfilling job, and lack of exercise can make a naturally happy person like me feel, well, simply unhappy.

Last June, I picked up the book The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin in the airport before getting on a plane to Cuba with my boyfriend and the three kids. I was so miserable at the time that I spent most of our vacation with my son at the pool and away from the others. Since last June, Gretchen has taken me through 12 months of thought and habit transforming resolutions. After trying a week of extreme nice, cleaning out my closets, making a loose ends list to boost my energy leves, and even joining a gym (and actually going), I can say it’s been a productive year!  I picked up the book in June and just put it down last night, July 3rd, a year later; a testament to having taken the time to really focus on my resolutions each month without rushing to the next chapter.

I asked my now fiancé, after closing the book last night, if I seem happier than I did a year ago. He didn't hesitate to say yes. Then I asked if he too was happier, again the answer was yes. However, despite my many wins over the last year, a few things remain outstanding and here they are (on top of having a wedding to plan). My resolutions for the rest of this year are: 

Network - I want to network with women who inspire me.
That's why I purchased two tickets to Hope in the City.  The event is next month and so it also gives me something to look forward to. See my article on the event here: Hope and the City

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Oh - The Irony!

Google has made looking things up so increadibly easy that we forgot how to use our memory. The irony is that once we all have alzimers as a result, we won't rember what Google is.

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I Lost My Ring!

The day after our vacation I spent the morning shopping for groceries and cleaning the house. At noon, I headed for the door to pick up my son from school. I looked down at my engagement ring as I had done a hundred times that day and saw that it was gone! "No! No! NO!" I cried. My heart literally sank in my chest and I knew at that moment just how much I loved Victor.

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Ready or Not - On Turning Thirty-Five

No, I'm not freaking out about turning 35; I'm amazed that I made it this far unscathed and with only a minimal amount of emotional scarring.

This is some of what I've learned in my 35 years on this planet:
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11 Tips to Up Your Hapiness Factor

Feeling unbalanced, like something is missing from your life? We all feel that way sometimes. Here are some ideas that may help you get happy again. 
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Decorate With Your Mate

About the Author: Sylvia Wells has a Decorating Diploma from Schefield School of Design.

You know the great satisfaction that comes with decorating a room in your house.  Be it the powder room or the living room, there is a sense of pride that will come over you for months every time you walk into that particular area.  Now imagine sharing that feeling with your mate.  Not only the feelings of pride, but the memory of how much fun you both had decorating the room together.  No matter how big or small the project, it is guaranteed to bring you closer together as a couple. 

This concept has everything a relationship desires: quality time, communication, trust (in each other’s sense of taste), cooperation, negotiation and fun! The time together is exciting as you are both working on a project, a common goal and most importantly a change for the both of you.   Most couples are mainly productive at their jobs and likely aren’t appreciated for all their hard work.  But when you work together on a decorating project there is camaraderie, appreciation for the time and effort put forward, and inevitably, admiration.  Activities when decorating a room together can include drinking coffee while going over your fabric or paint colour options; taking trips together to pick out special items, searching the internet for unique ideas or simply brainstorming together. 

The best part of all when decorating with your mate is getting down to the nitty gritty.  Putting on your old jogging pants, pulling up your sleeves and getting dirty.  Cleaning and prepping walls for painting can be done in no time if you work as a team.  Crank up the music and really put your back into it the task at hand.  There is no greater aphrodisiac for a man than to see his woman tearing a cabinet off a wall.  It doesn’t hurt to have a bottle of wine on hand as well.  Use this time as productive work time but also as a slow seduction. Take time between moving furniture and painting walls to share a kiss or a playful pat on the hinnie with a paint brush.  Trust me, you will not be too tired to carry the fun into the bedroom once your project is complete.  You will be rewarding each other for months to come and remember the great fun you had together every time somebody comments on your newly decorated room. 

So stop putting that little project off and dedicate a Saturday to getting it done.  Soon you and your mate will have your entire home redecorated and you’ll be the most loving couple on the block.

JB

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Dancing in the Aisle

I found myself slow dancing in the aisle to Blue Rodeo's "Bad Timing" being softly kissed and falling in love all over again.

It was the very last song of the concert during the second encore that they finally played our song and we let our inhibitions go and slow danced in the aisle. Consuming three large ten dollar beers throughout the course of the concert may have helped bring this event to life as well. We considered that we might miss our song while one of us was in the washroom which would have been ironic and true to the roots of our relationship and the title of the song. But instead we were able to look into each others eyes and sing the words, "We each forgive a little bit and we both look back on it as just bad timing that's all", solidifying our past and our future together.

What a show! What I love about Blue Rodeo is that they are a no frills band. It's really all about the music. It's not their fault that the Amphitheatre had four big jumbo screens hanging from the ceiling distracting the audience from the in real life band playing on stage and instead staring up at a fifteen foot tall image of Jim Cuddy's harmonica playing, perfectly symmetrical face. They are such a good old fashioned Canadian band that I felt I owed it to them to watch the stage as much as possible and take in the ambiance of the group playing together and the audience singing along in harmony. I felt a sense of wonderment and peace when everyone in the audience sang out, "And if we're lost, then we are lost together." It made me feel that each and everyone one of us had felt lost in our lives at one time or another and that we weren't alone. The diversity of the crowd also lent to the power of that moment, bringing all races, ages, and personalities together in song. Amazing.

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