JUST AS I AM

 

 

Now that I'm 36, I've decided to go in a radically new direction with my life. Forward. Dead ahead, if you'll excuse the pun, as I stumble ever closer to the latter half of my days on this earth.

 

My new adventure begins with creating an anti-resolution list:

 

• This year I vow never to diet again. To not waste another penny or thought or breath, saying 'It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change." It's always a diet if you're main goal is to lose weight, and I'm a fool for every thinking otherwise.
• I will never sign up for another life source draining exercise class as long as I live. Which means I will never have to listen to another middle aged woman yell out "eight more!" after I thought the last eight more was only going to be eight more, as I silently wish for spontaneously combust so the class will be over.
• I will never buy clothes that are just a little snug in the hopes to fit into them soon.
• I will stop responding with violence when my fiancé lets his eyes rest on my midsection for just a fraction too long.
• I will eat whatever I crave while PMS-ing. However, I will not eat that food to the point of guilt, shame, or to the state of being in a chocolate coma.

 

What I will do this year:

•  I will get paid what I'm worth.
• I will go for walks when I feel like it, take the stairs at work just to be sure I still have a pulse at 3:00 PM, and walk the treadmill at the gym when it's cold outside - because I want to catch up on my audio book and get away from the kids.
• I will control my habits by understanding them.
• I will always find something to be grateful for, even when it's difficult to do.
• I will continue to love and accept those around me and cherish those close to my heart.
• I will love myself every single day, JUST AS I AM.

 

2013 has kind of sucked so far...and it's been kind of great too. I've made friends, lost friends, caught up with old friends and deepened friendships at work. I've postponed my wedding due to my future father-in-law being diagnosed with and beginning cancer treatment, watched my ex-father-in-law fade away and leave this earth, had to tell my son his grandfather was gone, and chose not celebrate my birthday for the first time in 36 years. On the flipside, my son was accepted into a program that will save us thousands of dollars in private school expenses, my fiancé has offered to take me to NYC for a belated birthday gift, and I did get to plan half of my wedding, which was fun. I now know what direction I want to take my career, and I also got some highlights in my hair which look fantastic. So, you know, it's been a good bad year.

 

While all these things are happening in and around my life, things are happening in the world too.  North Korea is playing with nuclear weapons, and monsters are bombing the Boston Marathon. Closer to home, two men were arrested for plotting to bomb a passenger train.
 
When I stop to look around, I feel like things are spiraling out of control around me on all levels, but I'm grateful. There was a quote I often recall which was on the wall of my grade ten English class that read, "If we never cried, would laughing feel so good?" So, along with the bad, I am grateful for every minute I have and every person I love. I refuse to waste another second feeling bad about myself, my hair, wrinkles, butt, thighs, or whatever - I am only grateful for all of those things now. The wrinkles on my face tell me I'm lucky to have lived this long and the fat on my ass tells me that I can afford to indulge. I'm a spin doctor from this day forward, because my attitude is the only thing that is truly within my control.

 

So this year I choose love....and maybe drink a little more wine than I did in 2012. Screw the calories.

 

Good luck out there,

 

JB

 

 

 

 

Pin It