Mediums Are Large

To put it lightly, we've lost some people.

On the day of my best friend, Cara's, wedding her mother did something that brought this, normally, non-crier to tears. She told me to keep the money I was going to give her for my bridesmaid dress (she paid in advance for me) and use it to see a medium she was recommending. She had lost her son and father the previous year (Cara's brother and Grandfather) and had turned to a medium with the hope of some sort of relief - a way of knowing they were OK. She was amazed by the experience and wanted me to have the opportunity to know that my own two brothers, who died in car accidents four months apart when we were teens, were OK too. Incidentally, her son and the older of my two brothers were best friends back in the day.

In the fifteen years since my brothers died, I had become the 'Queen of Suppression', as Cara once called me. In reality, I just didn't take things very hard in life, the way most people do. If I was knocked down, I got back up. After I lost my brothers, most other disappointments in life were really not that bad in comparison.

So I found myself that Fall sitting across from a man named Chris on a little couch, in a little house, in a little town off the highway between Barrie and Toronto. My boyfriend waited outside in the car for me as I was too nervous to go alone, and he was curious himself to see how it would go. Inside, I sat on the faded plaid couch across from my so-called connection to the other worldly plane of existence. I didn't doubt that we don't just disappear when we die, there have been many instances over the years where felt like my brothers were watching over me and protecting me. I was hopeful that I could contact them, but doubtful that anyone who charged $150 an hour would be my vessel. Chris clicked on the recorder, closed his eyes, and started to make some funny faces. He wiggled his nose and drew his chin up toward the ceiling before he began to blow my mind.

The older of the two, Marvin, emerged in his vision first, explaining how he died and then going onto to give me messages for our mother and father. I guessed that they were things he had been 'dying' to say since he died. (It's okay, he would appreciate that humour.) My poor parents were so tortured over his death - their relationship with him at the time was rocky as my brother was something of a rebellious teen. A very rebellious teen. He told me to tell our Mom to let go of her anger which plagued her every day since his death (his friend Mathew was driving and she blamed him for taking her son away) and to tell our father that he knew he loved him and the rest of it didn't matter. I don't remember much else at the moment about what he said because it has been a while. He did mention his daughter but I don't now remember the context - I'll have to listen to my tape again. She was two when he died.

I thought at first that it was my other brother, Oswyn, who popped up next, but the way he explained his death didn't fit. He was showing Chris an asphyxiation. I wanted it to be my brother, but it just wasn't fitting. I gasped when I realized who it was coming through. It was Oswyn's friend Trevor, who was driving the car that killed him. Trevor did not die in the car accident but, a few years later, he hung himself. I've figured that those with the most urgent messages come through first because as soon as I acknowledge him and his plea to ask my mother to forgive him and let go of her anger (see a pattern there) - anyway, as soon as I acknowledge him, my second brother popped into Chris' vision and the party really got started.

Chris said that the three of them were joking around and were really funny. They were even teasing me, like they would have if they were still here (I am their little sister after all). They said the guy I was with was a good guy (we're still together and now engaged). I was focusing so hard, but I didn't feel anything. Chris asked if I had anything to ask them and, well, I simply wasn't prepared for that. Now that I look back, I wish I would have brought a list! Is there a God? A Heaven? Is our dog there? But all I could think of was the question I'd been asking them for fifteen long years. "Why did you leave me?" I asked. His response was quick, "We didn't". He said that throughout the session they were close by my side, but I still didn't feel them. I left Chris' office with a migraine and a cassette tape.

My mother and another of my friends, Sue, paid Chris a visit after hearing my tape. Sue lost both of her parents at a young age - her Dad at age 6 and her Mom at age 17. My mother went first. My brothers came through loud and clear for her and even Sue's mother popped in to say thank you to her for looking out for Sue after she died. Marvin had a specific message he was trying to get through to my mother. It was: 'Four Grandaughters'. My mother was confused as she only had three female grandchildren (one of them being his daughter). About a year later, an old girlfriend of his contacted me and confirmed whispers that had long ago faded after his death - that he indeed had a second daughter with another woman. I immediately found her on Facebook and there was no questioning it - she has his eyes. It turned out that she was taken from her mother and raised by her grandparents as their own. Her mother told her the truth when she was in grade eight and when I found her, she was ready to know us. We welcomed a seventeen year old mother-to-be into our family. I took her to meet my parents and my two remaining older brothers, and her half-sister! It rocked our world and she, her son, and boyfriend have been a part of our family ever since. True story.

In Sue's session, she not only had messages from her Mom and Dad, but Oswyn, who had a crush on her when we were younger, playfully joked that he would come back as her next child (she was pregnant at the time).

Now, about 5 years later, Sue has just been to see another medium. She recently went through a major surgery and wanted to 'talk' to her mom. She visited a different medium this time and it solidified that this medium thing is larger than all of us. She had messages from her parents again, and that's her story to tell, but there was more. The new medium asked if she knew somebody living who's name starts with S - of course she thought of me. The medium said there were a couple of people there that were connected to the S. April 4th, she kept repeating that date. She talked about a couple of car accidents and Sue knew it was my brothers coming through. The medium went on to say these guys were very fun, that they were joking around and happy - just like Chris had said about my brothers before. When Sue asked me about April 4th, I told her that was the day that Marvin died. The phone fell silent for a while as we both took in all the information.

So - what do you think?

I know what I think - I think I'm booking another appointment. I have a feeling that my brothers might have a message for me that they were trying to give to Sue. Or maybe they just wanted to say hi to her, she was like part our family after all. Either way, I'm bringing a list of questions with me this time. I pray often for them to watch over my son. He looks so much like Oswyn. I live in constant fear that I will lose him too. And so I pray. I pray to God and I pray to them to keep him healthy, happy, and safe. Although they've never met, my son knows his Uncles. They have been a part of his life because they were a part of mine. I miss them as much today as I did twenty years ago. I want to talk to my brothers again.

I understand now why spiritual mediums have to charge so much money for their time. If it was less expensive, they would have a lineup down the block day and night of people wanting to hear from their loved ones. They are people too. I'm going to hug the next medium I meet. What a responsibility.

Please leave your comments, I'd love to hear your story.


Good luck out there,

Just Being



Oswyn, Marvin, and a cousin in Nfld.



Oswyn & I - Unfortunatley, not our pony.

Oswyn & I

Marvin & Oswyn - what happened here? :)

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